So Reggie comes home last night after having a drink and shares with me a story about two divorced men who were campaigning for the dissolution of all marriages since theirs didn't work out. One complained of "losing himself" while the other said "it was the worst thing he could have ever done". Of course this conversation aggravated me to the point that I wish I had been there to ask Dumb and Dumber a few questions just so I could understand their stance a little better. To say that I don't empathize with them would be an understatement.
First, relationships are hard work and to think that you will have it easier being married is a laughable concept. To have a good line of communication is to have a sturdy foundation and it is obvious that the talking or the communicating part of these relationships were a weaker part of the union. Marriage is a dance of give and take or compromise but when you have compromised so much that you "lose yourself" you need not blame the person you are with for being stronger than you, you need to take a realistic look in the mirror for allowing someone to overpower you. You don't lose your voice because you decided to collaborate on this project called life, you harmonize and make beautiful music together.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe that some relationships may become unbearable but that didn't happen over night. Oh no! That is the culmination of a lot of ignoring signs that showed you this person was not the one for you and if this is the case no one faults you for waking up and moving on in life but take responsibility for the part that you played in this tragedy and don't complain about the process it takes to get out since it was just as difficult getting in to it.
I don't hear too many women screaming, "I will never get married again" but men cry this so often I am tired of hearing it. Stop being babies. I mean lets be for real...during the engagement the woman wears the ring and the whole world knows she is in the process of becoming a better person so that she can raise a family while the man parades around town loosely, rarely mentioning a significant other let alone a fiancee. Then when the marriage comes the woman puts on yet another ring to show the world that the process is complete while the man complains that his ring gets in the way of his work so he still doesn't wear it. This maybe one of the most simplistic examples of how some men are in relationships/marriages but it drives home the point that all the complaining is not limited to the bigger problems in the marriage. Maybe if some of the energy you used complaining was used to work through the issues in your union you wouldn't be that old depressed drunkard at the bar complaining yet again about how you will never get married again (that is to assume that someone would want to marry you again?!). If it didn't work out brush yourself off and keep it moving don't try to interfere with someone else's blessing because even if it does not work out for the next man who are you to deprive him of the experience or the path that has been laid out for him?
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